Make Me Happy

I'm sick of chasing happiness. I'm tired of it. Why can't happiness chase me for once? I've spent most of my life finding my own slice of happiness, making it myself when it was nowhere to be found... But it gets tiring. I find that there are days where I can't. Do it. Can't. Not today.

Life is the pursuit of happiness.

The effort needed to maintain a constant, is dizzying. I bet you're saying, well you don't have to be happy all the time. This I know, but I don't stumble around wining that nothing makes me happy. I find it. I create it.

Thats exactly the issue right? Having to do it yourself. Having to make it yourself. I'm ensured a constant supply but at the cost. You know how nice it feels to wake up to breakfast. It feels more special. It was made for you. Make some happiness for me...

I... Don't. I just wish that someone would smile for me like I do for them, to show them life isn't complete shite. It isn't shite.

Smile for me,
ShadowlessTomorrow

Sentiments

Are you sentimental? What does it mean to be? Now, I know you're pointing out that a have a time shredded note lying on my desk, but I'm asking the questions here. Don't worry about the note though. I'll get to that later.

Being... sentimental isn't something I've called myself. I don't like the clutter of old cards, christmas, birthday or otherwise. I don't care to keep little trinkets. But this note... this note is something I've kept for years. The creases gave way years ago. I don't read it anymore. No, I just have it... around. It doesn't take up space. At least not space in the physical sense of the word. But it does take embody a weight that I haven't quite been able to part with.

I need to interject spot of background here. I have no problem throwing away birthday cards, gifts that I just don't need in my life. I don't keep photos either. I just don't see why I need the clutter. I already know what you look like, that's what memories are for right?

Speaking of memories, lets get back on topic now. You know, I actually take care of the note. I've tried to maintain ... it... so to speak. Weird hey? I keep it in a case, with two other pieces of related memorabilia. An expired bus ticket dated Aug 12 2006 and an old movie ticket. Yes, but those are different topics all together. Back to this note then. I'm not sentimental... but even now, I don't think I will throw it away. That's why its out. Out. It's something I choose to carry with me. Even as now, as I stare at it. It's pathetic looking. It's aged with time and emotions.

Some things are heavy. Heavy.

I'm not sentimental, but I still can't throw it away. Those two other decrepit reminders are already in the trash.

Letting go,

ShadowlessTomorrow