Figuring It Out

So so so. I've been deciding. Don't know quite yet what I've been pondering but I'm deciding. But I've been thinking (a rare feat in of itself, mind you)
Ever just think, for the sake of thinking? I'm saying when you go for a walk in the rain and you just are thinking. Thinking of nothing and everything. Just thinking of your life, work, relationship, etc etc. You know the deal. I'm sure you do right. Right. Right, right. Well lezz just say that you do do this. Lezz just say you just think because you haven't in awhile. What comes to mind for you? What encompasses your thoughts in the late nights? What keeps you awake for several hours a night?
Wanna know my fix? I'm sure you do. But I can''t quite put a finger on it myself. I think about my heading, no compass in sight. I think about my relationships, no girl in sight. I think of my life, no solid prospects to think of (lies, though I still wonder) It all swirls and swirls in this big ball. This boiling pot of stew, that bubbles and fumes. Sometimes it's just good to think. To think of nothing and everything. Sometimes it's just good to feel it all. Feel all all those things you wanted and wanted to push aside. Yeah, right? Now you get what I mean. Sometimes you just need to be locked in your room with burning incense and your thoughts. You get. I know you get.
You get it for sure. I don't think you've ever defined the feeling. I don't think that you ever set a time aside for it. It just happens. Just happens. Usually though it happens at an opportune time. When you have no plans. When you have not obligations. When you just got done with your last task. When you just checked off your last item on your check list.
Ever wonder why that is? Ever wonder why we only think and feel when we feel it's opportune? Does that seem a little wrong? Does that seem like it's a little... out? Anyways...
It's always when you have nothing to think about. It's always when you have a free moment. You think about your girl/boyfriend. You think about your job. You think about your compass rose, and it never smells as sweet as it should.

I'm supposing that you want to know why I dribble this nonsense tonight? It's pretty obvious right? I've been thinking. It may be incorrect, but I just feel I do more than I get credit for. I've always live in a way that doesn't allow for credit. I've always done things just for sake of doing them. It makes you smile, them I'm in. It make you happy, then I'm in. It makes logical sense, then I'm in. I don't ask for credit. I just do it because it's the right thing to do.
I would just like a little credit, or gratitude from time to time... I small request...

Despondent,
Leadthaniel