Not Sleeping

So here I am. Restless and not sleeping. Thinking again. What else would I be doing if not sleeping right? So like me. I just am. Always thinking. Perhaps thinking too much. Always, always, and always.

So what is the crazy cat thinking about now? Another girl perhaps? Yes and no. Those of you that know me know that it's usually some girl. Always right? Ha. Well this time it isn't some girl. It isn't "some girl". It's more like that one girl. Man its been so long. So long since I've been kept up like this. Sure I've had restless nights in the recent past. But. Not over her. Not over any girl realy. Sure, I have girls floating around my life but not anything that really keeps me up. Dates here and there. Pursuits fruitless and some ending up like a dog chasing a car. Once I have it, it's not what I thought it would be. Ah. Isn't it always like that? Ha. But no not those girls. It's that one girl. Her name. Princess.

Man I miss her. I shouldn't. I'm not suppose to.
(apparently... Actually on the topic of that. Why am I not suppose to? Those who don't know or even understand the history say one thing. Don't. That's all? Really? It's not that easy. It's not that simple. It's complicated. Now doesn't that sound cliche. Of course it does. But that's the best way to describe it. Complicated. I can't just shut the door and turn off the phone. The ones who know, know that I was and am mortally wounded. Emotionally. Emotionally wounded. But that's all they know. They do not know of the smiles. And the love and the undying, unconditional caring and the real, real, real happiness prior to the ugliness. I never judge anything by the way it ends. Such a dumb way to think of things. But as well, I never knew what was best for me. Never did and never will. Ha.)
Anyways, back on topic. Yes. Right. I miss her. I miss My Princess. Am I still allowed to say that? Call her that? I'll stick to Princess. Just Princess. She. Is. Amazing. *shakes head* Still is. How crazy is that? I haven't seen her in so so long, but she can still take my breath away with just a Hi. I. Am. Effing hopeless. Ha. I am.

So here I am. Minding my own business helping this girl with her French studies and my phone rings a number I've never seen before. Ontario it reads. I figure it's my brother or perhaps Mother calling from a new number yet again (that's a whole blog post on it's own. Ha) But no. It's her. And all my breath and thoughts decide to leave all at once. They just say "Bye, we're leaving and we don't know when we'll be back but have fun!" So there I am. Outside that coffee shop gasping for breath and trying to formulate a thought. That isn't "Uh" or "Um". No dice. Straight snake eyes. Straight out of luck. I was hoping to roll sevens but I lucked out. Ha. The lucky cat all lucked out. Who would think it right? Only she could do that. So I surmise the call was uber awkward for her. I could have kept my cool but how could I? It was so... Out of the blue. Like a meteor landing in front of me and a small orange martian pops out asking me where the bathroom was, I was dumbfounded and in the few rare moments of my life. I was at a lost for words. It was like I was learning English for the first time and did not know how to speak it. Stupidfied. Good word. Very fitting. She said she would call me back. And in all fairness when I for another call from an unknown province................. I ignored it. What's strange ( ha I just thought of my friend Pippy. Anyways...) What's strange is that I grabbed at my phone everytime I got another unknown call. Ha. God I'm so funny. Once again, an example of how amazing she is. She can break my resolved so easily. Without even trying to mind you.

*sight* I'm glad I have this blog to spit out my thoughts to lest they eat me alive. These dirty little demonic thoughts that blockade sleep and normal cognitive functions during the day time. I don't know why I'm thinking of this now but I am. I'll think on it though. It'll be another blog post so stay tuned. Like anyone reads this anyways.

1:40 am on a patio smoking,
Shadowlesstomorrow